that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
