my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
