This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
