Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
