I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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