I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
