how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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