How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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