So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
