u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
