He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize