my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
