if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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