I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
