Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
