I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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