it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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