There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize