this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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