i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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