If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
