3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
