Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
