yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
