Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
