great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
