Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Everything about him screamed your future.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
