I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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