She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
