those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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