i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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