Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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