No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
