I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
