I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
