Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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