If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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