Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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