I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
