i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
