it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
