my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
