Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
