Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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