My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
the raccoons are back...
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