I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
