i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
