If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
