Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
