last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
