We won't sleep together?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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