uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize