My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
