I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
