is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
