9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
