I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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