The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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