I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
