tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
