I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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