It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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