I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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