I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
