I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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