i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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