I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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