So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
