be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
