we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
