Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
